Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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