11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
