she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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