currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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