Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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