I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My dick has a subreddit
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
