I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
