Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
