I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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