Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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