Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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