He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
