You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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