Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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