That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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