You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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