this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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