I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
