my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
