There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
