Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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