The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Even my vagina gasped.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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