dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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