3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
