we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
