I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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