i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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