I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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