weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
