Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
