Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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