I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
