it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize