My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
