and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My penis needs a shock collar
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
