Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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