Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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