im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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