Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
