I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
