You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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