Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
