I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
