thus making me awesome and them whores
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
