How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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