just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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