I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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