the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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