my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize