Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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