Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
