It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
