My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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