at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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