her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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