fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OPIZZABONMYDICK
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
