shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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