One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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