I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
