It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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