you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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