I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
