A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
