You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
