And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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