I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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