You smell like stripper and shame
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
