also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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