Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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