You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
