I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize