Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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