I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize